she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
