My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
