so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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