She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
