just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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