We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
