It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
