he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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