I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
