dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
