You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
