Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
