The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
