some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
