Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There r osticjed everywhere
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
