Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
