My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
