i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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