thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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