Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
