i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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