addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
