You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
