Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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