He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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