Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
