I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
