I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
