can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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