i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
