Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
