Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
