don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
