Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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