Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
