roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
