i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
