he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
