they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
