your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
