Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize