Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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