I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
