New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
