Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
