i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize