I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize