She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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