I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
