i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
