Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
