So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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