Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
