Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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