You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
