you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
