He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
