shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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