so that wasnt chicken after all
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize