I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
