yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
