Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
