he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
