It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
