I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
