so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
