It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You can't motorboat a personality
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
