i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do herpes really smell.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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