Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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