fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
