I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
