Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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