I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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