If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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