I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A bitchslap is in order.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
