Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
