i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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