I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
