No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
