ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
