moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
