she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
