If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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