Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
