Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
