If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
