The brown eye won't let me do that either.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
