I just threw up on my dentist
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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