i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
