Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
