How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
