Don't you send me to vm
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize