I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
