I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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