I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
