I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
