I am puke
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
