woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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