oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize