Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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