I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize