he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
