Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
