i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
