i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
