I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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