Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
